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Having to work alongside my great unrequited love. At once such a horrible feeling, like I've been disembowled and yet, at the same time, like I have a glimpse into Heaven. Only I can never get in.
Well, it's not exactly unrequited, I was just late, or it wasn't meant to be, but I know that, at least at one point, she liked me. Maybe not love, but there was something there.
And some things that people who you love but can't have say get stuck in your head and won't budge, whether it is something sweet, or something about their sex life that you did not want to know.
So, only two more days of this to go now. I'm having a 2L bottle of Strongbow before heading in. Hopefully, it will help me cope. In any case, I fully intend to have a few more cans during my break. I lock up with her tonight. And then I've to go to a party to celebrate the birth of my nephew.
I don't want to party, I want to lock myself away forever, I want drugs, I want chocolate, I want BDSM and every comforting thing underneath the Sun.
I am feeling very "up" after a BDSM session the other day and some yoga and some booze. I can only imagine what I would be feeling without these.
The worst thing is the feeling of having left her already. Kind of like this song, but I'm not glad at all.